{"id":837,"date":"2018-11-16T18:00:46","date_gmt":"2018-11-16T17:00:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/bozon2x.be\/blog\/?p=837"},"modified":"2018-11-23T22:45:46","modified_gmt":"2018-11-23T21:45:46","slug":"elfes-et-fees-domestiques-cinquieme-episode","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/bozon2x.be\/blog\/elfes-et-fees-domestiques-cinquieme-episode\/","title":{"rendered":"Elfes et f\u00e9es domestiques : cinqui\u00e8me \u00e9pisode"},"content":{"rendered":"

Cinqui\u00e8mes analyses<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Tope-la, et f\u00e9e qui s\u2019en d\u00e9dit\u00a0!<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 J\u2019ai une merveilleuse id\u00e9e, dit Saxophon, je vais monter une affaire<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Et quelle affaire\u00a0? r\u00e9pondit Marie<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Une affaire juteuse, j\u2019ach\u00e8te un objet et hop je le revends au plus offrant.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Quelle merveilleuse id\u00e9e Saxophon s\u2019\u00e9cria Marie en battant des mains. J\u2019ai l\u00e0, pour ta premi\u00e8re vente, une vieille f\u00e9e en laiton dans mon grenier. Cela t\u2019int\u00e9resse-t-il\u00a0?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Puisqu\u2019il faut commencer quelque part, Marie, pourquoi pas\u00a0?<\/span><\/p>\n

Quelques instants plus tard, Saxophon \u00e9tait l\u2019heureux propri\u00e9taire (pour un jour, une heure, une minute peut \u00eatre) d\u2019une vieille f\u00e9e en laiton. <\/span><\/p>\n

Il s\u2019empressa aupr\u00e8s de Marie.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Marie, j\u2019ai une belle affaire \u00e0 te proposer.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Quoi donc Saxophon\u00a0?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Une petite merveille. Cette splendide f\u00e9e en laiton. Je te la laisse pour 100 euros.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Tu exag\u00e8res Saxophon.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Ok, je vois que tu es coriace en affaires, je te la laisse pour 50 euros.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Non, non, non, r\u00e9pondit Marie<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Combien m\u2019en donnerais-tu Marie\u00a0? Sois sympa. Tu sais que je n\u2019aime pas les f\u00e9es\u00a0!<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 D\u2019accord, tu as gagn\u00e9 Saxophon, je te l\u2019ach\u00e8te pour \u2026. Rien<\/span><\/p>\n

Saxophon, trop heureux de se d\u00e9barrasser de cette f\u00e9e dit avec un large sourire en tapant dans la main de Marie\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Tope l\u00e0, et f\u00e9e qui s\u2019en d\u00e9dit\u00a0!<\/span><\/p>\n

Minily & Souris<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Les plus beaux romans de France <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Tout allait tr\u00e8s bien, jusqu\u2019\u00e0 ce que F\u00e9e Tide et F\u00e9e Licit\u00e9 s\u2019engagent dans le fameux concours des <\/span><\/span>plus beaux romans de France<\/i><\/span><\/span>, organis\u00e9 par le JT de 13h sur TF1. <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Le lecteur, compl\u00e8tement d\u00e9sorient\u00e9, est tent\u00e9 de boucler le livre avec un claquement sec, vous savez ce fameux bruit du carton et du papier qu\u2019on reclape <\/span><\/span><\/a>1<\/span><\/span><\/sup>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Extrait\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0\u2014 Bon sang, nous sommes f\u00e9e-briles, dit Phixioneur.<\/span><\/p>\n

Phixioneur\u00a0? Que venait-il faire, encore une fois, dans le jeu de quilles\u00a0?\u00a0\u00bb<\/span><\/p>\n

Notre ch\u00e8re auteur(e), qui vit dans son r\u00eave \u00e9veill\u00e9 depuis un demi-si\u00e8cle, n\u2019en a cure. Elle veut gagner son pari litt\u00e9raire, remporter la bataille cr\u00e9ative, vaincre ses vieux d\u00e9mons maternels affligeants. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ce seront <\/span><\/span>les plus<\/i><\/span><\/span>beaux romans de France<\/i><\/span><\/span>ou rien.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Extrait\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00ab\u00a0\u2014 Un jour on reconna\u00eetra mon talent.<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oui, dit l\u2019elfe, conciliant, un jour\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Tu ne me crois pas, Stupidus\u00a0?<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Si, si\u00a0!<\/span><\/p>\n

Et il leva les yeux au ciel.\u00a0\u00bb<\/span><\/p>\n

D\u00e9fi r\u00e9ussi, donc, puisque nous continuons \u00e0 analyser ses \u00e9crits avec la m\u00eame satisfaction, le m\u00eame plaisir et la m\u00eame rigueur que nous avons d\u00e9ploy\u00e9s jusqu\u2019\u00e0 pr\u00e9sent dans tous nos <\/span><\/span>Cahiers<\/i><\/span><\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Nous verrons plus tard, en d\u00e9tails, \u00e0 qui nous avons affaire en lisant ses r\u00e9ponses au d\u00e9sormais c\u00e9l\u00e8bre questionnaire de Louise Berg.<\/span><\/p>\n

Mais gageons que, quoi qu\u2019il en soit, cette romanci\u00e8re nous \u00e9tonnera encore bien davantage.<\/span><\/p>\n

Georgie de Saint-Maur<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Les f\u00e9es sont-elles du toc\u00a0?<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

On avait bien eu vent, sans y pr\u00eater vraiment attention, que les f\u00e9es pouvaient apporter beaucoup au monde des affaires (voir le merveilleux exemple de Walt Disney Company), nous d\u00e9couvrons ici que les affaires n\u2019apportent pas grand-chose au monde des f\u00e9es. La fortune de Saxophon fond, fond, l\u2019honn\u00eatet\u00e9 de Marie d\u00e9cote un brin dans l\u2019op\u00e9ration, et le lecteur romanophage ne trouve gu\u00e8re son compte dans une narration qu\u2019il estime en toc au premier coup d\u2019\u0153il, dans la mesure o\u00f9 elle ne parvient \u00e0 tirer qu\u2019un tr\u00e8s maigre parti d\u2019une myst\u00e9rieuse statuette, o\u00f9 d\u2019autres auraient plac\u00e9 une sombre mal\u00e9diction vaudou, ou cach\u00e9 un microfilm ultraconfidentiel, ou reconnu le chef d\u2019\u0153uvre perdu de Camille Claudel, ou encore une sainte relique ayant appartenu \u00e0 un t\u00e9moin de la C\u00e8ne, et qu\u2019un t\u00e9moin de J\u00e9hovah aurait r\u00e9cemment acquise aux ench\u00e8res, et pour laquelle une poign\u00e9e de malfaisants seraient pr\u00eats \u00e0 tuer. Serge Cazenave-Sarkis en aurait fait un \u00e9l\u00e9ment de d\u00e9cor indispensable. Lou Salom\u00e9 aurait choisi l\u2019option du microfilm. Minily & souris, quant \u00e0 elle, jongle avec le petit objet, et mod\u00e8le avec finesse et dr\u00f4lerie les tristes tours des mauvais prestidigitateurs de notre quotidien d\u00e9senchant\u00e9, en les transposant au pays des mages et des cr\u00e9atures enchant\u00e9es.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

J\u00e9r\u00f4me Pitriol<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Courtex <\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Tante Ozon faisait des courses rue des Vielles Pierres. Oncle N\u00e9n\u00e9 l\u2019attendait dans sa magnifique Ford Taurus achet\u00e9e, ma foi, \u00e0 tr\u00e8s bon prix. Il laissait tourner le moteur car s\u2019il l\u2019arr\u00eatait, la voiture ne red\u00e9marrait pas, mais ce n\u2019\u00e9tait qu\u2019un insignifiant d\u00e9tail aux yeux de N\u00e9n\u00e9 (car il l\u2019avait eue \u00e0 tr\u00e8s bon prix et ne se privait pas de le r\u00e9p\u00e9ter \u00e0 tout qui voulait l\u2019entendre ou l\u2019interrogeait au sujet de sa tr\u00e8s belle voiture).<\/span><\/p>\n

Tante Ozon ayant achet\u00e9 de la langue de chameau et de la t\u00eate \u00ab\u00a0lente\u00a0\u00bb (car la press\u00e9e ne lui disait rien qui vaille), elle s\u2019empressa vers la voiture d\u2019Oncle N\u00e9n\u00e9.<\/span><\/p>\n

Elle monta \u00e0 son bord et lui dit\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Vas-y d\u00e9marre m\u2019fi <\/span><\/span><\/a>2<\/span><\/span><\/sup><\/p>\n

Et une voix de lui r\u00e9pondre\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Moi je veux bien, Madame, mais je ne vous connais pas.<\/span><\/p>\n

La chute de l\u2019histoire, cher lecteur, vous la connaissez\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Tante Ozon s\u2019\u00e9cria\u00a0:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u2014 Oh mon Dieu,\u00a0Monsieur\u00a0!<\/span><\/p>\n

(Alfred Arnaque \u00ab <\/span><\/span>Les cahiers de Nise<\/i><\/span><\/span>\u00bb)<\/span><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

F\u00e9es et gestes <\/b><\/span><\/span>(Georgie de Saint-Maur)<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

La f\u00e9e bleue de Pinocchio \u00e9tait une sacr\u00e9e coquine<\/span><\/p>\n

Le questionnaire de Louise Berg (suite)<\/b><\/span><\/p>\n

Quels sont vos auteurs pr\u00e9f\u00e9r\u00e9s\u00a0?\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n

Il y en a beaucoup, ch\u00e8re Madame, Lebussy, Gardner, Vian, Stefan Zweig (le joueur d\u2019\u00e9checs), E-E Schmitt…<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Par mes ailes, troll \u00e0 pustules, qu\u2019est-ce que t\u2019as fait avec mon fond de teint\u00a0?<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

C\u2019est pas moi\u00a0!<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u00c7a se voit\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

<\/a>1Belgicisme, claquer.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

<\/a>2\u00ab\u00a0Mon fils\u00a0\u00bb, expression wallonne.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Cinqui\u00e8mes analyses Tope-la, et f\u00e9e qui s\u2019en d\u00e9dit\u00a0! \u2014 J\u2019ai une merveilleuse id\u00e9e, dit Saxophon, je vais monter une affaire<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":838,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"colormag_page_container_layout":"default_layout","colormag_page_sidebar_layout":"default_layout","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[302],"tags":[225,226,148,276,257,286,236,76,22,272,274,281,92,73,79,152],"class_list":["post-837","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-elfes-et-fees-domestiques","tag-ecrivain","tag-edition","tag-georgie-de-saint-maur","tag-gros-secret","tag-imaginaire","tag-jerome-pitriol","tag-lewis-carroll","tag-litterature","tag-livre","tag-metafiction","tag-pataphysique","tag-philippe-sarr","tag-poesie","tag-roman","tag-surrealisme","tag-surrealiste"],"yoast_head":"\nElfes et f\u00e9es domestiques : cinqui\u00e8me \u00e9pisode<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Cinqui\u00e8mes analyses Tope-la, et f\u00e9e qui s\u2019en d\u00e9dit\u00a0! \u2014 J\u2019ai une merveilleuse id\u00e9e, dit Saxophon, je vais monter une affaire \u2014 Et quelle affaire\u00a0? 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